Infidelity - Infatuation Versus Love

in Love

Adulterous relationships produce chemically based infatuation highs of intense emotions. Infatuation is chemically based and is not love. It is a reflection of a person's unacknowledged Self love and a distorted projection made profane and ego-centric.

It is a high-energy experience sustainable for limited periods. If a couple fails to reduce the energy of their union, it will expand beyond the capacity of the human containers and explode. The lists below compare love to prolonged or obsessive infatuation. It is not a direct comparison to infatuation because this is often a precursor to committed love. Infatuation is not bad, it jump starts a relationship, but when a relationship has not moved beyond this initial phase it is no longer a healthy state.

  • Love
  • non-possessive
  • never tires, grows greater and stronger
  • mystical, holy, Divine
  • heals and nurtures...
  • complete, fulfilled, independent
  • giving, symbiotic
  • creative, generative, enables growth
  • Prolonged or Obsessive Infatuation
  • jealous
  • weakens with time and wears out
  • Biological: attraction of the loins
  • sickens
  • clingy, needy, dependent, seeks rescue
  • taking, parasitic
  • destructive, threatened by growth
Forget Science
Some Say Love...

  • is an emotion.
  • is a feeling.
  • is an action.
  • is a choice.
Love is both a noun and a verb. Integrated love is the combination of all four. It is unfair to claim that a person who is not acting love is not feeling love; humans are emotional beings and love is not a simple concept. A person in complete joy and mental health (ease) is capable of all four--love is integrated. It is inappropriate to place such expectations on those who are mentally unwell--in dis-ease.

Love can become separated from its complete Self. It becomes fragmented. Love emotions may be present amidst the absence of love the feeling, love the action or love the choice. Love is never a selfish action engaged at the expense or deprivation of others.

What about the different types of love?

  • Agapé
  • Eros
  • Storge
  • Phileo
  • Unconditional Love
  • Divine Love
  • Love for all--including enemies
Agapé is love in all circumstances and is without judgment or condition. It is a freely given gift, an action borne of choice, and devoid of the uncontrolled and chaotic energies of emotion. It has no requirements of the love-object, being independent of lovable qualities or merit and exists regardless of circumstances; agapé does not require a person to like its object.

Agapé is impersonal. The other loves are personally directed towards someone known, whereas agapé is love for all beings seen and unseen, known and unknown. It is a charity of selfless giving, a product of compassion and empathy.

  • Family Love
  • Physical Affection (Nonsexual)

This is an affection borne of familiarity and closeness. Because it is familial, it also is associated with the expectation of love, but less dependent on worth.

  • Brotherly love
  • Friendship
  • Tender Affection
Based on common bonds, rather than biological bonds of familiarity or reproduction, Phileo is a necessary foundation for civilization within communities.

  • Romantic Love
  • Sexual Love
  • Passionate Love
    Eros, the son of Aphrodite, shot poisoned love-arrows into the hearts of a couple, which made them fall in-love. Notice that though considered a sexual force, Eros pointed his arrows at a person's heart. Eros requires nurturing and if it wanes it is because the partners neglected their relationship for other endeavours.

    Marital Union
  • Eros: Sexual
  • Agapé: Empathic and unconditional, based on divine unity.
  • Storge: Affectionate friendship based on friendship and commitment.
  • Phileo: Reciprocal and mutual affection and friendship of pleasure based on cooperation, commonalities, respect for character and delight in the company.
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K R Stumpf has 1 articles online

K-R is a marriage advocate, she believes that a person can save their marriage even when the partner wants to leave. There are no guarantees, only possibilities. For information on Midlife Crisis and Infidelity please visit her website at

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Infidelity - Infatuation Versus Love

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This article was published on 2010/03/26
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